Is Diabetes Stressful?

For me, yes. Sorry I haven't written here in awhile. Too much to do and not enough time.

The stress of my diabetes issue is getting better since I started taking better care of myself and I suggest you all do the same, diabeticor not. Without our health, well, what is there really?

We can't enjoy life when we are bed ridden now can we?

There are lots of places to go and get information regarding diabetes and how to make it more manageable and easier to deal with.

How can our diet have such a big impact on our body?

Delicious Diabetic Recipes

Take care of your health first, like I did and you will see a difference.

Where to find Homefront video game

This was a great video on how to play the Homefront video game

in reference to:

"Where to find Homefront video game"
- Where to find Homefront video game - (view on Google Sidewiki)

Insulin

Insulin has two critical roles in the body that we cannot live without, yet it can be the root of many health problems, including diabetes. Insulin carries sugar (glucose), fat and protein into your cells where they are used for energy and the repair of your cells. When you eat, a certain amount of the food will be converted into glucose and enter the bloodstream. As the sugar levels rise, the body senses it and the pancreas secretes insulin to lower the sugar. This is insulin's second main function.

If you eat too much of any food, especially carbohydrates (starch and sugar) the levels of glucose in the blood rise to very high levels. In turn this triggers a large release of insulin from the pancreas. Your cells will take what they need and then insulin will begin the process of converting the excess glucose, fat and protein into fat and then put it all away in your fat cells. By combining foods the right way for your body, you will maintain optimum levels of insulin throughout the day.

The best way to control insulin and fight sugar cravings is to eat protein snacks when you are hungry or when you have severe "sweet" cravings. Also, try to limit yourself to three carbohydrate-containing meals per day and try to eat vegetables with most meals and snacks.
A particularly good snack is non-fat cottage cheese and salsa. The only vegetables to avoid in the evening are corn, yellow or orange squash, peas, beets and carrots. They have high simple carbohydrate (sugar) content.

Good natural sources of protein for meals or snacks are:

Chicken breast
Turkey
Fish
Lean Pork
Lean Steak
7% or less Ground Beef
Egg whites
Egg Beaters
Tofu
Non-fat cottage cheese
Non-fat cheese
Non-fat cream cheese
Non-fat sour cream
Fat-free Ham or Canadian bacon

You can also try protein powder and protein bars.

I recommend Labrada ProPlete Protein powder. It is low fat, low carb and high protein. It comes in several flavors and you can probably get it at GNC stores or any vitamin store. It does not have artificial sweeteners. It is sweetened with Stevia, which is all-natural and it made from the root and leaves of the Stevia plant.

Labrada also makes good low-carb, sugar free protein bars. Other good protein bars are Ultimate Lo-Carb, Ultimate Lo-Carb2 and Premiere Elite. These are good as a "pretend candy bar" when you're having a craving. Just don't over do it. The last three bars I mentioned do have artificial sweeteners. You can find them at GNC, Trader Joe's and many vitamin stores.

The key is to eat frequently throughout the day and also have a real sweet treat once a week if that will help you stay away from sweets the rest of the week.

My fat loss and fitness plan "Every Body Loses" will give you the tools you need to begin a healthy weight loss program. The style of eating and exercising outlined in my book is one that you can follow for life without feeling deprived. If you're serious about losing fat and getting fit go to www.aim4nutrition.com and get started TODAY!

Good Luck and Be Well,

Aimee Deak
Personal Trainer & Nutrition Analyst
AIM 4 NUTRITION
www.aim4nutrition.com

Aimee Deak is a certified Personal Trainer & Nutrition Analyst,
author of the nutrition and fitness book "Every Body Loses" and owner of AIM 4 NUTRITION.
She offers online personal training and training by phone

http://www.aim4nutrition.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Aimee_Deak

Taking Control of Your Health & Well-Being

Every now and then I get a smack, so to speak. ere is a great article I was sent via email.

It got me thinking, I hope it helps all of you also.

Do you ever wonder why, in spite of all your good intentions, you just cannot seem to take control over your health and wellness the way you really want to? The answer to that question can be found in the words of Albert Einstein, who reminded us "you cannot correct a problem with the same thinking that created it”. In other words, you cannot change old behaviors without new information.

The Institute of Medicine recently published a study that indicates ninety million Americans are "health illiterate", which means we do not know how to interpret or use health information to control or improve our health, or prevent chronic disease. Data compiled previously identified, "lack of information as the number one root cause of death". Understanding that there exists a cause and effect relationship between what we know and how we behave, we need a model of integrating this important information to change the behaviors that lead to chronic disease. According to a 7-year, 1996, Harvard Medical School study, approximately 70% of all cancers are preventable through lifestyle changes. Furthermore, our diseases and conditions are primarily a result of stress, food, environment, attitude, emotions or beliefs that keep us in behaviors that lead to illness. Which invites the question, are we consciously choosing to be unhealthy, or do we just not understand sufficiently the relationship between what we think, how we behave, what we put into our bodies and how we keep ourselves well or make ourselves sick?

In a world exploding with health information, especially on the internet, we are caught in the dilemma of having abundant amounts of information, without a context through which we can understand and utilize this information in a way that is appropriate for our own unique personal health needs. There is, however, good news - making its way into the mainstream of health care is an integrated model of health information and education that provides a "whole picture of health" perspective, allowing each of us to discern and create our own unique approach to taking charge of our health and well-being. Whole Health Education, developed over the past 28 years, in cooperation with Boston physicians, nurses and educators, is an approach to understanding the cause and effect our behaviors and choices have on our state of health. Demystifying the five major factors that influence how sick or well we become, Whole Health Education provides a perspective on human anatomy and physiology, bio-chemistry, psycho-social, environmental and spiritual aspects which allows for an authentic understanding of what we need know to resolve chronic health problems or to stay healthy. Integrating evidence-based information with the wisdom of various spiritual teachings and a whole-person overview of behavioral options, Whole Health Education offers each of us a tool for personal health management by providing personalized health information that explains the physical, emotional, nutritional, environmental and spiritual aspects of a health concern.

For example, Mature Onset Diabetes affects approximately 18.2 million Americans and is the leading health concern in our culture today. As all chronic conditions are, Mature Onset Diabetes is a multi-dimensional disease state and the unique Whole Health perspective, can facilitate the restoration of health for those with chronic diseases such as diabetes.

Physical/Structural

What happens on a physical and structural level with Mature Onset Diabetes? The specialized beta cells of the pancreas, which produce insulin, become incapable of producing adequate amounts of the critically necessary secretion. This happens over a period of years and can begin in our bodies, over time, by eating large amounts of insulin-provoking foods. These insulin provocateurs, which are sugars and starches in the form of complex carbohydrates, require the pancreas to produce more insulin so that the sugars can be carried over the cell membranes to all parts of the body. Serious disturbances occur when we do not have enough insulin to carry the sugar over the cell membranes. Insulin hooks onto the sugar molecule and acts like a lock and key mechanism to bring that sugar into the cell which is then used in the energy cycle of cell metabolism. The nervous system, brain and the lungs cannot function without the proper metabolism of sugars.

Emotional/Social

Just as diabetes is a lack of nourishment on a chemical/nutritional level, so is it a lack of emotional nourishment on an emotional/mental level. It relates to the “feel good” nourishment component of your body. What do we know about carbohydrates and serotonin? Carbohydrates provoke the production of serotonin. Serotonin is a neuro-transmitter that produces a feeling of well-being. There is a direct relationship between what our body is doing chemically and how we feel emotionally. When we crave or build our diet around carbohydrates, this can be a way of “self-medicating” our emotional needs by eating carbohydrates to provoke insulin production.

Sugar problems can affect us emotionally. Let's say you have a pancreas that is not working properly. What can happen somatic/psychically from the pancreas to the brain? If we are feeling the ups and downs of hypoglycemia, and its biochemical/neurological symptoms, it may undermine our sense of security, self esteem, and produce anxiety and fear.

What is the emotional component of diabetes and the pancreas? Often, it can be a poor sense of self-esteem and a fear of not being “good enough” or not belonging. These feelings, medicated by the serotonin foods, can lead us to not look deeply enough into what is causing our health concerns and allow the feeling/feeding cycle to continue.

Chemical/Nutritional

On the nutritional side, the treatment for people with Mature Onset Diabetes is to decrease the stress on the pancreas by making changes in their diet -- decrease starches and sugars and decrease calories. Eat less, eat right. What kind of a diet would be best for preventing Mature Onset Diabetes? Vegetables, vegetables, and vegetables combined with lean proteins such as fish, chicken, water, a little fruit and a little fat. In a hypoglycemic situation, it is wise not to eat grain or sugar, but sprouted grain bread, and other substitutes can be healthy and satisfying.

Because hormones are chemicals, diabetes and hypoglycemia are both hormonal-based problems. What we know about the hormone system is that it works as a balanced interdependent system. Diabetes is an endocrine-related, systemic problem. With a systemic problem like diabetes, you have a body system problem--you do not just have a condition by itself. It is known that the pancreas is related, through hormone interaction, to the adrenals, and the adrenals are in turn related to the reproductive system. It is known that these glands are related through hormone interactions to the pituitary and the pituitary is related to the thyroid gland, the thyroid is related to the thymus, and the thymus is related to the immune system.

Environmental/Internal & External

The environment that we work in, live in, walk through, live near -- how does that environment have an impact on the way that we feel and the way we feel about ourselves?

How do we learn to trust in the order of the universe? By behaviors that come from trusting the order inside ourselves. We do this by setting boundaries -- codes of conduct of how we are going to behave, eat, work exercise and live. If we don't violate our own boundaries, we are less likely to let anybody else violate our boundaries. We have to start with ourselves. Our experience of victimization can begin with our own self-victimizing behavior.

Spiritual/World View

A Hindu Vendata truth is that “the whole world is one family”. It is said that there is only one disease, the disease of separateness, separating oneself from the awareness that we are one living organism. Competition creates isolation. The spiritual challenge presented by hypoglycemia and diabetes appears to be involved with over- or under-valuing the self: judgment of self and then others. Where are we in the process of getting to the truth that we are all equally important? The drama created by a one-up or one-down dynamic that we may allow to be part of our experience can lead to psychophysiology and the behavioral issues which can contribute to and create Mature Onset Diabetes.

Whole Health Education can transform our experience of taking care of ourselves. It can provide an understanding of our health concerns and conditions from this multi-dimensional perspective that makes sense in a way we can utilize the information directly and in a meaningful way. In addition, having the information provided in a mindful, respectful way that invites each of us to discern what we know about our health and condition, how to choose to resolve the problem and what kind of care we choose to have, allows each of us to experience whole-person health care through whole health information. Then, WE become the center of our health and healing process, rather than the doctors or practitioners we go to for guidance.

Georgianna Donadio D.C., M.Sc., Ph.D., has conducted a private practice in Whole Person Care since 1976. She is the Founder and Director of The New England School of Whole Health Education, the pioneer of Whole Health Education and a provider of patient and healthcare professional education since 1977. For more information, visit http://www.wholehealtheducation.org [out] or call 1-888-354-HEAL (4325).

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Georgianna_Donadio,_D.C.,_M.Sc.,_Ph.D.

Eating properly is good diabetic medicine.

Sometimes we all forget that our eating habits can have a huge impact on our diabetes. I found this great article to share with everyone as I continue reading and learning about this situation I find myself in.

Diabetes and Food Style: Turn Your Food into Your Medicine

Fast paced life of modern world has necessitated us to give only lower priority to nutrition. This is at a time when nutrition awareness of everyone is high. Instead of taking well cooked food items, fruits and juices, people go after carbonated drinks, fast 'junk' food, frozen and preserved food, microwave food. People also don’t take the time to enjoy and appreciate the food they eat. Today most of us just need any food that fills the belly for sometime.

This food habits have given rise to a variety of health problems. Significantly important one among them is diabetes.

Ayurvedic principles tell us food is one important element that keeps a person in a balanced state of body, mind and soul. Taking healthy food translates into healthy body.

Ayurvedic view on diabetes is no different. There are times when diabetes can attack without any warning sign. Ayurvedic food style combined with certain herbal applications helps one effectively manage his or her condition of diabetes.

High sugar level is the most dreaded thing about diabetes. Ayurveda recommends food items that don't release excess sugar into the blood. Food items that are too sweet, ice cream, chocolate, friend food items, white flour, preserved food, fast food, junk food etc are to be avoided. Bad habits like smoking and drinking should be given up.

Ayurveda recommends Ayurvedic herbal tea for diabetic patients. Replace sugar with honey or jaggery (thickened molasses - sarkkara) or better still palm jaggery (thickened palm molasses - karippatti).

The advantages or drinking more than eight glass of water everyday is not easily told in an essay. Drink a minimum of 8-15 glass of water in the day time. After sunset take only minimal quantities of water. Another thing is to drink plenty of water an hour before a meal and an hour after the meals. Drinking water close to meals dilute the digestive fire (in Ayurveda it is called pitta) and makes the process of digestion difficult.

Take fruits like grapes, fig, pomegranate, citrus fruits etc. Bitter melon (bitter gourd, karela) is used as medicine for diabetes.

The point about Ayurvedic management of diabetes is never a hard task. All you will have to do is to incorporate Ayurvedic principles as your daily routine. Having healthy food and exercise regime itself can help one control his or her diabetes to a great extent.

Include turmeric and garlic as spices, bitter gourd as vegetable, triphala as a laxative and drinking lot of water as daily habit. These are not very difficult to follow. You can't eat or drink all the food items you have. But living a sweeter life sometimes means giving up some sweet for tongue food items.


Source: Dev Sri provides insider information about Kerala Ayurvedic practices at http://keralaayurvedicsdotcom

Why a Good Diabetic Diet is Good If You Have Diabetes

Another great article for a question from Jane.

As always, I try to answer all questions. Feel free to send one out to me.

When it comes to diabetes, vigilance can not only eliminate the need of insulin but can also help you control your diabetes. Most people with type II diabetes, often don't attempt to control their condition. So by you following the proper diet, people with type II in diabetes, would have to prolong the need of insulin or will have to use more convenient medication to treat their condition.

The main problem of people with diabetes is the breaking down of carbohydrates in the system. In order to have a balanced diet, unique carbohydrates in your body include anything to do with rich white flour, so as to avoid sugar. Carbohydrates include some vegetables, fruits, potatoes and white bread pasta. The different effects to the blood stream is the contribution of carbohydrates. And since diabetic people have a difficult time when breaking down any carbohydrates in their blood system those people with the highest glycemic index rating a highly likely to take the longest time when breaking down the bloodstream and a most likely to cause harm.

When following a diet plan which limits the amount of carbohydrates, you should make sure you are highly aware of the glycemic index. And try to make sure you find the right amount of good carbohydrates that are less harmful to a diabetic diet, since this is a highly threatening condition. If you have just found out that you have been diagnosed with a diabetes and the doctor has not recommended anything yet, then following the instructions and stop that practice that continues to remain the most non compliant and tend to be more denial than any other group of patients. So you can leave the full normal lifespan by following a good diabetes diet and by taking your medication.

The fact that many people are continuing to to be diagnosed with diabetes is very unfortunate. But it is good news that you can find lots of cookbooks in the market today on diabetic diet which can help a person with this condition. It takes some time for diabetic to take its toll in a human body. So you should make sure that you follow a good diabetic diet to reduce the toll of the disease and live fruitful life.

To avoid complications that may arise from this disease, it is very important to be aware of the gylcemic index, see your doctor regularly, keep up to date with the your diabetic diet, monitor your blood sugar level and make sure you take your medications as prescribed always.

By the way, upon first being diagnosed with diabetes, many patients ask can a good diet keep diabetes at bay. Most doctors will agree that a good diet, low in carbohydrates and sugars can help a person with diabetes avoid many of the complications that often accompany the disease. While a good diet can not necessarily cure the illness, a good diet can keep diabetes at bay.

Please your tastebuds and satisfy your diet restrictions with:

Delicious Diabetic Recipes.

So, can a good diet keep diabetes at bay. The answer is yes. While it cannot cure a patient of diabetes, a good diet low in foods that have high ratings in the Glycemic Index and high in proteins can help an individual with this condition live a longer, healthier life.

Research: http://www.information-guide.org/diabeticrecipes/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lindelwa_Laz

Today's Q@A

Is There a Benefit to Taking Turmeric For Diabetes?

Although Ayurvedic and traditional Chinese practitioners may have recommended turmeric for diabetes at one time, it is not your best choice today. When you think about what traditional healers would use for a health problem, you need to remember that they had access to a limited number of plants. Today, most of us are lucky enough to have access to plants from around the world.

When it comes to plant extracts that are beneficial for diabetics, there are numerous ones to choose from. Banaba, bitter melon, black cumin, green tea, gymnema sylvestre, wax myrtle, Buckwheat, blue-green algae, milk thistle and valerian are among them. Some specialty supplements for diabetics contain all of those extracts. The supplements are designed to help control blood sugar levels and protect the organs of your body from the complications caused by the disease.

One of your goals should be to strive for optimal nutritional intake. That's true, no matter who you are or what health problems you suffer from. People, who say that supplementation is unnecessary and that we get all of the nutrients that we need from the foods that we eat, have never taken a well designed multi-nutritional supplement, because the benefits are obvious.

When it comes to the benefit of taking turmeric for diabetes, it will not have an effect on your blood sugar levels. In moderate amounts, in a well designed supplement, it may help protect your organs from long-term damage, protect the cells of your body from chemicals that form as a result of the disease, reduce your risk of cancer and act as a natural anti-inflammatory.

Chronic inflammation is one of the causes of cellular aging. It plays a role in heart disease, cancer and many other diseases. The foods that most of us eat, particularly saturated fat, cause the production of inflammatory molecules. In a perfectly balanced diet, there would be enough natural anti-inflammatories to keep those molecules in check. But, nobody's diet is perfect.

So, one of the big benefits, of taking natural anti-inflammatories like turmeric for diabetes, is to help keep the inflammatory molecules in check. But, it is only part of the equation. There are many different biological processes going on in your body every day. Some keep you healthy. Others make you sick. To try to keep everything balanced is difficult, to say the least.

Everyone wants to find that special single nutrient or other compound that is a magic pill, a cure-all. If a company recommends a single ingredient like turmeric for diabetes, it is likely because that is the only thing that they sell or it is the product they are currently promoting.

The best supplements on the market contain as many as 97 different nutrients. Why? Each of them performs a different function in the human body. No single nutrient is more important than any other. The benefits of turmeric for diabetes are questionable. The benefits of a multi-nutritional supplement that contains it are clear; more energy, better health and, hopefully, a longer life.

Andrea Marshall is a researcher of skin care and health supplement products. Visit her site now at http://www.natural-supplement-site.info to get the facts on how to choose the best products for your youthful and healthy life.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Andrea_Marshall

My personal motto

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're traveling seems all uphill,
When funds are low and debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When cares are pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must...but don't you quit.

Life is hard with it's twist and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.

And many a person turns about,
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.

Don't give up, though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man.
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late, when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you musn't quit.

- Betty Rich (Benedetta Naimo-LaRiccia)

Rise In New Cases Of Diabetes, UK

The numbers of new cases of diabetes rose 74 per cent between 1997 and 2003, new research reveals.

The findings, published in the 'Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health', suggest that rates of diabetes are increasing at a faster rate in the UK than they are in North America, where prevalence of the condition is one of the highest in the world.

What the figures are based on

The figures are based on new and existing cases of Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes among the UK general population, details of which were entered into the Health Improvement Network database between 1996 and 2005.

Over the decade, the details of 49,999 people who already had diabetes, and those of more than 42,642 who were newly diagnosed with the condition, were added. All the data refers to people between the ages of 10 and 79 years.

The findings

Increase in prevalence

The overall prevalence of diabetes increased from 2.8 per cent of the population in 1996 to 4.3 per cent in 2005. This equates to an annual rise of just under 5 per cent and a 54 per cent increase over the decade.

Prevalence higher in men than women

The prevalence of the disease was 29 per cent higher among men than among women.

Type 1 and Type 2

Of those newly diagnosed, just over 1,250 had Type 1, and more than 41,000 had Type 2.

While the numbers of new cases of Type 1 diabetes remained fairly constant over the decade, the numbers of new cases of Type 2 diabetes did not. These shot up from 2.6 to 4.31 cases per 1,000 patient years, equivalent to an increase of 69 per cent over the decade.

The rise in obesity has had a significant role. In 1996 38 per cent of people newly diagnosed with Type 2 were overweight and 46 per cent were obese; in 2005, the corresponding proportions were 32 per cent and 56 per cent, respectively.

Rising more rapidly recently

Not only have the numbers of new cases of diabetes been steadily rising, but they have been rising much more rapidly in recent years, increasing by 74 per cent between 1997 and 2003 alone.

"Our results suggest that, although the incidence of diabetes remains lower in the UK than in the USA or Canada, it appears to be increasing at a faster pace," the authors warn.

UK health in sad state

Douglas Smallwood, Diabetes UK Chief Executive, said: "This research is a sad indictment of the current state of the UK's health.

"Sadly, the statistics are not surprising, as we know that the soaring rates of Type 2 diabetes are strongly linked to the country's expanding waistline.

How to reduce risk

"Research shows that losing weight can reduce the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes by 58 per cent. It is imperative that we raise awareness of the importance of eating a healthy, balanced diet and doing at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day if we want to make any headway in defusing the diabetes time bomb.

Change4Life campaign

"Diabetes UK with two other leading health charities has just launched an advertising campaign to support the Government's Change4Life campaign.

Government has major role to play

However, if the Government is to deliver on its public health promises it has a major role to play in committing to legislation on restricting junk food advertising and supporting the traffic light system of food labelling, which will go a long way in helping people make informed choices."

Source: Medical News Today

Off topic - A cheer up letter I had to send

Okay, this is a little long I admit but well worth the read.

If you've ever had a cell phone you will most definitely love this letter.

I wonder how long before someone notifies Vodafone Brand Development...?

This Truly is the rant to end all rants.


Mr Nick Read
Vodafone CEO
Vodafone House
The Connection
Newbury
Berkshire
RG14 2FN

21st February 2008


Account/Mobile Number
07********2



Dear Nick

I am writing to you today as I am a Vodafone customer who is completely at the end of his tether.

I need your help Nick.

I’ve started dreaming about you. I wonder what you look like; I wonder if you really are the savior of Vodafone. I want you to be Nick, but then I check my inclusive minutes and I realize you are not. I check my voicemail to see if Vodafone Business Relations have called me back but they haven’t Nick. They haven’t called me. It’s all been a dream and I want to die.

I loath writing Nick, it real gets to me, but on this occasion I have to. I have to write to you because the alternative is committing suicide, a suicide which you would be reading about in next months Mobile News magazine.

My suicide note would burn onto your minds retina like a overheated Nokia 6120, the words would jump from the page and into your soul, all constructed via T9 predictive text, and you wouldn’t be able to erase me Nick, the message would be there for good, in your cerebellums inbox.

You see, for 5 months now Nick, I have been in a communicational conundrum, a sort of Newbury Hell.

5 months ago I ordered 15 phone lines for my business. I already had 5 lines with you as I had been with Vodafone for as long as I can remember. I was a customer with you when Chris Gent walked through those pearly Banbury doors, all smartly dressed with nothing but hope in his heart and an Ericsson T29 in his pocket. Times were great then Nick, you even managed to send my bill on time. I loved those days.

Anyway, I digress.

I wanted a Sharer Plan; I needed on average 3000 minutes per user, so for 15 users I needed 45,000 minutes. I also needed them on 12 month commitments and free calls to 0870 numbers.

I was promised all this Nick, the world was my oyster. Vodafone was my Morrissey and I was a young Russell Brand, all gushing with enthusiasm and gusto, but with sexual tension replaced with 500 texts free every month.

We were flirting Nick, Vodafone and I were courting and there was nothing the world could do about it. You wanted longer commitment, but I couldn’t give it, you said 24 months, I said no, give me time, lets take it slow, lets not rush into this, I want to give you my heart but I’m unsure how Google Maps works on the Nokia N95.

We agreed on 12 months contracts.

Next up was the plan, now I’m no Shakespeare Nick, but I would proclaim to have a certain grasp on the English language, so when I uttered the words

‘I do not want 3000 minutes fixed per phone; I want the whole 45,000 minutes to be shared between the 15 users’

I stupidly assumed that Vodafone would understand this, but in hindsight, I now see that this was all too much for Hayleigh Hegar and Jenna Bird to comprehend.

I mean, they barely could grasp the concept of phoning people back, and as for e mail, well; this alien concept was lost on these two. I often sat back in my genuine simulated leather office chair and wonder if I was actually calling Vodafone, or was I being rerouted by some fickle finger of destiny through to a parallel universe, where anything you ask or request engenders the respondent to lie and say the complete opposite of what is actually going to happen, a sort of Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole, without the tea pots.

You see Nick, after the first months bill arrived, I couldn’t wait to open it. The morning it turned up I was like a little boy at Christmas, all exited and red faced. My wife even commented that my cheeks looked like the little Vodafone logo, you know, the one which look like a speech bubble. The irony only added to the moment Nick, it was heaven.

There it was, in a white cardboard box. It looked like a well organized letter bomb. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I wanted to see my savings, I wanted to open that letter bomb Nick and I wanted the savings to jump out of the page and blow up in my face like corporate Anthrax. I ripped the highly emissive carbon paper and there it was Nick, there it was…

I was overcharged £500 because I wasn’t on a sharer plan.

My heart sunk. I retreated to my simulated leather chair Nick and I began panicking. I began panicking Nick because I though, god, if Hayleigh Hegar and Jenna Bird have got this wrong, then there’s no hope. We are all doomed. Vodafone is going to become a massive corporate tennis ball, bouncing around the globalised courts of all 5 continents, stealing money from the pockets of honest paying punters while returning that money to the greedy shareholding ball boys and girls. I was livid Nick, and I don’t even like Tennis.

I immediately contacted my Vodafone team. Team 26, such a bold sounding group, it conjured up images of robotic men in black suits huddled around a control station, manfully directing proceedings like a mini FBI, but this wasn’t the FBI Nick, this was Vodafone’s Customer Service; a group of young bucks floating through life, unable to decide if they should find a real job, synchronize their Blackberry, or face the relentless realization that they have become a number within a number.

That number was 26.

Imagine growing up, and all the fervor and energy of a young child, all enthusiast and eager to learn. Think back Nick, think back to when you were a small child and your ambition was bursting out of you. Then fast forward 15 years. Imagine being part of a team called Team 26.

It would make you want to stick pineapples in your eyes.

I spoke with Hayley Hegar to raise my concerns, after some verbal altercations, I was escalated to a woman called Jenna Bird. I love the word ‘escalated’. You organization uses it so sporadically you feel you are being lifted from you feet and elevated to a different stratosphere.

In the space of 4 months, I have been escalated to no more that 7 people. I don’t think it gets much higher than this Nick, I’m walking on the moon, I’m walking on sunshine, I’m free as a bird Nick, I’m singing in the rain.

No, wait a minute, I’m not, and I’m actually walking on broken glass. I’m walking on broken glass Nick and there are shards of glass covering my bloody feet. I’m walking in sheer pain and I’m heading your way Nick. I’m heading your way and I have shards of glass and in my soles and they feel like 1,000,000 prepay simcards with no talk time.

Jenna Bird took 2 months to tell me everything I knew already. 2 months had gone on, and more money had been extracted manfully from my bank account.

Then, like the parting of the red sea, a miracle arrived in January, like a time delayed Christmas present from Jesus Chris. The marvelous, reclusive, evasive and sprightly Jenna Bird arranged a £2000 credit on my account. I nearly shit myself with surprise.

A breakthrough I thought. A breakthrough of such magnificent proportions it felt like I had won the lottery. Or had I?

I checked my ticket, yes, I had the first 5 numbers Nick, and it was looking good. Lancelot spun round like a spin dryer in a hedge fund, I waited Nick, I waited for the confirmation, all I needed was the number 1 Nick, here it comes Nick, here it comes.

Number 26.

I couldn’t believe it. Jenna Bird had escalated me to a man called Paul Bolton, and this is where it gets interesting Nick. My lottery win had all been a mirage. Smoke and mirrors awaited.

This is the exact timeline of events. Bearing in mind I had at this point been waiting 16 weeks for this to be resolved.

Jenna Bird escalated this on the 5th January to Paul Bolton. She arranged for a £2000 credit on my account to cover the January bill.

Paul Bolton was meant to call me by the 9th January. He didn’t.

I called Vodafone on Monday 12th and was told he would call me that week. He didn’t.

I eventually got hold of him on the 21st January. He apologized and said he would resolve my queries this week. He said he would phone me everyday to give me an update. He didn’t.

I phoned Monday 26th January, and was told that he had been in an accident, and wouldn’t be in work that week.

I was then escalated to a woman called Kim. She apologized and said that she would be dealing with this, but would need some time as she did not know anything about the case. I spent an hour on the phone to her explaining everything again. She told me she would resolve this and come back to me by the end of the week.

Guess what Nick, she didn’t.

I called again on February 2nd. She apologized again and told me that they didn’t do a sharer plan anywhere near what had been offered, but she might be able to pull off something special. She told me someone would be calling me later that day.

Nobody did.

I phoned her again on the 3rd February and again she apologized. Later that day a young lady from Vodafone sales called me, and wait for this Nick, she called me to offer me a standard sharer tariff of 48,000 minutes for £2300 a month.

After speaking to Hayleigh Hegar, Jenna Bird, Paul Bolton and Kim, and when they all knew my problem was the fact that I was promised 45,000 minutes for £990 per month, I then have to suffer the indignation of somebody calling me back and offering me the standard sharer plan which is on your website and has been there since I began this whole affair.

What a joke.

I immediately called Kim back, who immediately appeared on the defensive. She said she would look into this and come back to me.

She didn’t come back to me Nick.

I then phoned her on the 13th February. She said she would escalate the call to her manager, Yvonne Dunbar. Kim said the turnaround to be called back by a manager was 48 hours.

Yvonne didn’t call me. When I did ring and get to speak to her 1 week later, she told me that she had been, and I quote

‘In meetings and whatever’

I explained to her the whole situation. She said she would escalate the call to her manager, Shelaigh Coogan who would phone me back that day.

Shelaigh didn’t phone back. At this point I gave up.

So far, over 5 the months, you have overcharged me approximately £3500, my contracts are still 24 months and not 12 months, I’m still getting charged for 0870 numbers, and I am still nowhere near being on the sharer plan I was told I would be on. As I write this letter, my staff are making calls on the phones and are incurring charges we should not be.

I have written this letter out of sheer frustration Nick, and I have prepared a county court summons for the remaining line rental commitment, which total £18,674.

I will also be circulating this letter around the popular press, including all major UK television channels.

Nick, I remember you once saying that ‘to win in the marketplace you needed to create a brand that customers feel an emotional connection with; that employees want to do their best work for; and that is widely recognised as a leader for the quality of its products and services and the contribution it makes to society’.

You went on to say that you look at everything that passes your desk through several lenses: how it affects our customers and our employees, what the financial implications are. And importantly, you say that you use a corporate responsibility lens to decide if this would protect and build Vodafones reputation.

May I suggest you change your lenses Nick, I think the ones you have on are fucked.

Mr Jenkins